A lot of this writing nearly went into the cliche of "stop comparing yourself with other peoples' highlight reels" etc, but the whole piece was very fresh and a great angle and summary of it all.
I think there are also parallels with dating, and the movement towards romanticism.
For a long time marriage was quite a pragmatic thing, the idea that we would marry our soulmate, or that we would find true meaning from one person, and that person would be everything always, is a totally modern construct and utterly impossible.... and something that holds back a lot of people.
We are told to feel the same with our careers. Our jobs should be a mirror to our values, we should be aligned with the spirit of our employer, we should feel like we make the world a better place. That's probably all bullshit it. Maybe it's great to work for a tobacco company but to come home and help a local drama group perform. Maybe it's great to work for a chemical company, but to keep them in check a tiny bit.
There is the word "settle", and it's become very pejorative, to settle for someone, to settle for a career, it all has this idea within that someone gives up on their dreams.
Rather than giving them a chance to live dreams in a less dramatic way. We've been told that our dreams should be global scale, what if my dream is to make the best soup? What if my dream is to grow amazing Rosemary and get better at woodwork, what if my dream is to be calm with well balanced kids and to be a bit helpful at the local school.
I think part of the problem is that we are built as a species to be linear and local, I grew up in a village, my criteria for success should be avoiding rickets, marrying someone without scurvy, having most of my kids able to work on a farm, only a few of them dying, that we've got into this idea that everything should be better than anyone we've ever seen. Global and exponential is what messes us up.
There's a lot to be said for calming down a bit and giving up! And living life not broadcasting it.
Hi, thanks for this article, I started my adult life in the 70s, got serious in the 80's and have been through every thing you described so well. This is very well articulated and very accurate. I am frustrated not because of what I did in my life but because I do not know how to tell others, warn others to be aware. So, now at 73 I write about what I see hoping that now and again someone might pause. thanks again!
Great piece. And very much my own experience - I started loving my life again soon after quitting Instagram and Facebook. However, I don't necessarily agree that Individualism is the way forward. I heard the term "Main Character Syndrome" recently, which describes this issue of everyone wanting to be the centre of the universe, documenting it online and having complete disregard for others (unless it fits their narrative). Perhaps it's looking outwards, to what we can give to others and the world, that is the solution. Much what you are doing with your literary offerings. xx
I don't know how I came across this one, but I am glad I read it. It made me feel a bit better about my lot in life. I found it encouraging so thank you!!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately (turning 40, can’t help but compare life v expectations).
And where I’m at is this; ego.
Our need to belong, and feel worthy is coupled with the things we identify that bring us that (see your article).
Our frustrations and desperation (or mine, if I’m wrong about the collective experience here) is because we tie our worth to things that we believe make us valuable (and therefore belong and important) to the world. This is not new, we’re built that way (see Sapiens) except the scale went from your village, to the world. And social benchmarking from campfires to 24/7 devices.
And there was a time and even now it has its place, but I think the primitive piece that was built for our survival doesn’t work so well with the garbage on the internet.
So, we’re in this world where we’re constantly evaluating ourselves, comparing to not just others but the expectations of ourselves - which, are now statistically impossible (chances of being a famous author or music artist or insert whatever, is minuscule).
We want these things and when we don’t have them we feel less. However the question becomes, what if you accepted life without them, what if what you wanted or did had nothing to do with how you perceived the ‘worth’ it brings to you? There’s a freedom in doing things because of the joy without agenda. Or, just to do things because they need getting done - not for any other intention or greater strategic life altering play.
The challenge is, the ego can transform anything to its own uses - then you’re back in the cycle.
Love the term life dysmorphia.
A lot of this writing nearly went into the cliche of "stop comparing yourself with other peoples' highlight reels" etc, but the whole piece was very fresh and a great angle and summary of it all.
I think there are also parallels with dating, and the movement towards romanticism.
For a long time marriage was quite a pragmatic thing, the idea that we would marry our soulmate, or that we would find true meaning from one person, and that person would be everything always, is a totally modern construct and utterly impossible.... and something that holds back a lot of people.
We are told to feel the same with our careers. Our jobs should be a mirror to our values, we should be aligned with the spirit of our employer, we should feel like we make the world a better place. That's probably all bullshit it. Maybe it's great to work for a tobacco company but to come home and help a local drama group perform. Maybe it's great to work for a chemical company, but to keep them in check a tiny bit.
There is the word "settle", and it's become very pejorative, to settle for someone, to settle for a career, it all has this idea within that someone gives up on their dreams.
Rather than giving them a chance to live dreams in a less dramatic way. We've been told that our dreams should be global scale, what if my dream is to make the best soup? What if my dream is to grow amazing Rosemary and get better at woodwork, what if my dream is to be calm with well balanced kids and to be a bit helpful at the local school.
I think part of the problem is that we are built as a species to be linear and local, I grew up in a village, my criteria for success should be avoiding rickets, marrying someone without scurvy, having most of my kids able to work on a farm, only a few of them dying, that we've got into this idea that everything should be better than anyone we've ever seen. Global and exponential is what messes us up.
There's a lot to be said for calming down a bit and giving up! And living life not broadcasting it.
Hi, thanks for this article, I started my adult life in the 70s, got serious in the 80's and have been through every thing you described so well. This is very well articulated and very accurate. I am frustrated not because of what I did in my life but because I do not know how to tell others, warn others to be aware. So, now at 73 I write about what I see hoping that now and again someone might pause. thanks again!
Great piece. And very much my own experience - I started loving my life again soon after quitting Instagram and Facebook. However, I don't necessarily agree that Individualism is the way forward. I heard the term "Main Character Syndrome" recently, which describes this issue of everyone wanting to be the centre of the universe, documenting it online and having complete disregard for others (unless it fits their narrative). Perhaps it's looking outwards, to what we can give to others and the world, that is the solution. Much what you are doing with your literary offerings. xx
I don't know how I came across this one, but I am glad I read it. It made me feel a bit better about my lot in life. I found it encouraging so thank you!!
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately (turning 40, can’t help but compare life v expectations).
And where I’m at is this; ego.
Our need to belong, and feel worthy is coupled with the things we identify that bring us that (see your article).
Our frustrations and desperation (or mine, if I’m wrong about the collective experience here) is because we tie our worth to things that we believe make us valuable (and therefore belong and important) to the world. This is not new, we’re built that way (see Sapiens) except the scale went from your village, to the world. And social benchmarking from campfires to 24/7 devices.
And there was a time and even now it has its place, but I think the primitive piece that was built for our survival doesn’t work so well with the garbage on the internet.
So, we’re in this world where we’re constantly evaluating ourselves, comparing to not just others but the expectations of ourselves - which, are now statistically impossible (chances of being a famous author or music artist or insert whatever, is minuscule).
We want these things and when we don’t have them we feel less. However the question becomes, what if you accepted life without them, what if what you wanted or did had nothing to do with how you perceived the ‘worth’ it brings to you? There’s a freedom in doing things because of the joy without agenda. Or, just to do things because they need getting done - not for any other intention or greater strategic life altering play.
The challenge is, the ego can transform anything to its own uses - then you’re back in the cycle.
Anyway, very thought provoking read.